Remote possibility

(An actual phone conversation last week)

Dish Network Customer Service, can I help you?

Yes, I need to order some new equipment.

Certainly, sir, could I have your name please?

Ed Grisamore in Macon, Ga.

Thank you, Mr. Grisamore, what kind of equipment do you need?

I need to replace my remote. It has been damaged.

Sure, Mr. Grisamore. We can replace your remote for $19.99 plus shipping and handling. We will send that right out to you UPS second-day delivery.

Great, thanks.

May I ask what happened to your old remote?

Well, it …uh … Do you remember back when you were in school and you told the teacher the dog at your homework?

Yeah, let me guess. The dog ate your remote.

Chewed it up big time. There is no more “satellite” key. The “menu” and “input” buttons are nothing but teeth marks. Wish we could say we got home in time to save the “volume’’ but she pretty much destroyed the whole thing.

That’s too bad.

Bet you’ve heard that one before.

Yes. I've heard them all. Is there anything else I can help you with Mr. Grisamore?

Actually there is.

Absolutely. Do you have any more questions?

Yes. Would you like a dog?