The “I” of the hurricane.

OK, hurricane season officially starts today. I would tell it to stay away, except we really need it to rain for about two weeks straight.

In case you missed it, the hurricane names for the 2007 season have been officially released, too. Once again, Ed was left off the list, so I’m poised for a discrimination suit. Know a good lawyer?

Not that I want my name associated with a hurricane. Death. Destruction. Displacement. Maybe its better to just be content to have a rather embarrassing sexual dysfunction named after me.

Here is the list of hurricane names for the season, along with a few editorial comments. There are 21 “named” hurricanes.

If there happens to be more – and let’s hope and pray there aren’t – the extra storms will assume the names of the Greek alphabet – Alpha, Beta, Gamma. So they’ll start sounding like fraternity row.

The Hurricanes of ‘07

Andrea – We are in the process of buying a house from a nice lady named Andrea, who happens to be pregnant with her first child.

Barry – I know a nice guy at my church named Barry. Let's see. There's Barry Bonds, too. Has the potential to be a performance-enhanced hurricane.

Chantal – Sounds like a bottle of wine.

Dean – I’ve known a few a few Deans in my life, and not one of them has been mean enough to generate any high winds.

Erin – Mmmmm. Is it a boy hurricane or a girl hurricane?

Felix – Can’t help but think of Felix the Cat, probably the first major star in the world of cartoon characters.

Gabrielle -- Is it the first hurricane to be named after one of the characters in “Desperate Housewives” – the character of “Gabby” played by Eva Longoria?

Humberto -- ¿Habla usted inglés?

Ingrid – “Here’s looking at you, kid.’’ Humphrey Bogart to Ingrid Bergman in “Casablanca,’’ one of the most memorable lines in cinema history.

Jerry – We have a dog named Jerry. He was on the cover of my book, “Smack Dab in Dog Crossing.’’ Now he’ll have a hurricane named after him. Way to go, Jerry.

Karen – I know a bunch of Karens. I like every one of them. They’re way too nice to have hurricanes named after them.

Lorenzo – Hey, dude, I’m not a big fan.

Melissa – “Sweet Melissa’’ was the name of Duane Allman’s motorcycle. It is one of my favorite Allman Brothers songs. It is so much a part of local lore one of our three downtown trolleys is named “Sweet Melissa.’’

Noel – The oldest of my sisters once got a Chihuahua for Christmas, and she named him “Noel.” My brother made “Noel” a name tag, but put it on backward, so the letters were in reverse order. So we started calling the little dog “Leon.’’

Olga – I’ve only heard of one “Olga” in my life, and that was Olga Korbut. The was a Russian gymnast and could fly through the air, too.

Pablo -- ¿Habla usted inglés? Et tu.

Rebekah – The biblical spelling of Rebecca, and I think one of the prettiest female names.

Sebastien – For some reason, I can’t get the image of an English butler out of my head.

Tanya – Ever know a woman over the age of 65 named Tanya? I didn’t think so.

Van – If we make it to Hurricane Van, and he is downgraded to a tropical storm, I guess we’ll have to call him a mini-Van.

Wendy -- I’ll have a Bacon Swiss Double Melt with a large order of fries, a medium Coke and a small Frosty. To go, please.